What’s The Deal With The Ruby Slippers?

I have always been intrigued with the storyline of the Wizard of OZ.

I identified with each of the main characters and saw a piece of every one of them inside of me. Like Dorothy, as a young girl, I was full of hopes and dreams but was never sure enough of myself to say them out loud. The Cowardly Lioness in me was afraid to be my authentic self and, as a result, I lived my life making most decisions based upon what I believed I should do and never what I would do. I was constantly seeking approval from my parents, which never came the way I had hoped. Thanks to a few Glindas in my life, I would see glimpses of my true self, but those moments were fleeting and it would not be long before I was swooped away by a flying monkey, dropped off in the middle of the forest, and once again lost in search of my ruby slippers.

My first husband and I were married for 16 years, and while waiting for him to change his mind about not wanting children, I channeled my inner Tin Man, put my heart on hold, and built my first successful company. My employees became my children. But one cyclonic day, I realized that I could no longer bear the thought of spending my life with a man who prevented me from something I wanted more than anything so I left. When the proverbial storm was over, I woke up married to my second husband and the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen, my son Max. I knew I wasn't living in Kansas anymore and, even though I finally had what I had waited a lifetime for, I felt like the no-brain scarecrow, lost in my own fears of inadequacy as a mother and what that "should" look like.   

Regardless of those thoughts, I truly believed I was living "over the rainbow.” A new husband, a successful second company and the son I had waited a lifetime for. It seemed to be a perfect time to share "my secret sauce" with the world. In hindsight, I am not sure that this recipe sounded viable:

Make one big decision. 

Stir in a Mantra, "You can do this. You are powerful."  

Click your heels three (3) times. 

Wait. 

Poof! Magical things happen.

Yes, I now see how silly that reads and sounds but I honestly believed this to be true. Off I went, skipping down what I thought was the yellow golden pathway to share that message of hope.

By 2010 it became clear that my "smooth paved highway" had turned into a pot-holed dirt road. I discovered my husband's “soulmate” was actually my 23-year younger assistant, Elphaba. I was definitely not living over the rainbow. In fact, my technicolored life had turned to black and white. My "recipe for a lifetime of success" was put into one of the many brown boxes moving with my son and me to our new life, on our own. Once again, I felt I was in the middle of the forest with lions, tigers and bears and oh my! It looked very dark and scary. 

A lot has happened over this past decade since then. There were moments when I wasn't sure I would get through it. There were moments when I wasn't sure I wanted to. But I did. And today, I am happy to say I am not living over nor under a rainbow. I walk many roads–some dirt, some paved–and I am clear that there is no one mantra or clicking of heels that will allow me to lead my best life. I am now convinced that whatever storms we encounter, there is no way around them–only through them.